Funny eBay Car Listing – Renault Clio

funny-ebay-advert-renault-clioAnother Funny eBay Car Listing, Renault Clio:

Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves.

A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran’s idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just ain’t gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I’ve made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.

Dig out yer favourite unwashed “Umbro” hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the “Street Pharmacist” and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.

Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowone’d see ’em. doesn’t get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you’ll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran’s inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new “wheels” then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella’s. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible “Drum & Bass” Cd and the throbbing out the 6×9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time. To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in “Air Max” white it really doesn’t complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You’ll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn’t get where you are today by being helpful, did you? I’m quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete prick. I’d much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you’ve made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram’s of smack or coke, but ideally I’d need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I’m easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier. For any female buyer I’m offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven’t already got your “Tramp Stamp” that is. If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn’t going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you’ll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic “LIDL” brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain’t never gonna take you alive in this. The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don’t forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this “fanny magnet”. You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD’s as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor. For the disqualified driver I’ll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO? Don’t let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid. Nuff said, innit.

On 20-Mar-10 at 21:27:52 GMT, seller added the following information:


I didn’t do this for the publicity or feedback. It just seemed to fit the car. REALLY BIG thanks to ALL who have viewed and sent questions. Not long now before the e bay police remove it!!!

And a real BIG UP to everyone wid da same humour!! You have ALL  made this funny.

‘and large big up to regae. U r a star bro!!

84 questions & I’m still here!! RESPEK..

THAN X 2 ALL xxx

On 21-Mar-10 at 14:11:42 GMT, seller added the following information:

64,750 page hits, OMG! Thanks for the 263 questions as well! Have now run out of room here to post replys, I’m told by E bay.

Had a call from e bay this morning and they said the advert can stay!! Wow!!

To answer the (few) serious questions, yes it is for sale, the mileage is 62k, it has an MOT and service history. There is nothing wrong with it at all. Well apart from how it looks! It just isn’t my cup of tea.

Thanks to those that pointed out the grammar and spelling mistakes! Sorry about that.

On 22-Mar-10 at 07:43:42 GMT, seller added the following information:

148,380 hits!! Wow! Whoever set up the facebook page, thanks!!

On 22-Mar-10 at 11:05:52 GMT, seller added the following information:

Magaluf Mike, u da man!!

Q:  Aiight bredrin duz it cum wi da blingin turbo whistler fingy in da rudeboi xhaust? 20-Mar-10
A:  na man, me got it confiskated by da 5-0 4 been diss
Q:  Had to say best writen ad for a CAR IN A LONG TIME WELL DONE DUDE 20-Mar-10
A:  Cheers
Q:  RE. Tattoo Can ya do me boyfriend’s (also farva of me ferd an forf pickny) name on me neck? (If not, I’d settle for the top of me arm, or across me beer-gut, in a celtic style) 20-Mar-10
A:  ezzy!
Q:  I say old chap, your charabanc looks absolutely spiffing. Does one know if one would possibly become attractive to those young fillies out there if one was to purchase it? I also think this would make an excellent weekend replacement for the roller, it would be much less conspicuous when I go out hunting skeezers whilst puffing on a woolah. 20-Mar-10
A:  u is pizzin in da wind bro. me fink u like men..come out bro u safe.
Q:  Love it. You should write comedy. Great knobber’s car, wouldn’t touch it with yours innit bro. 20-Mar-10
A:  it is, innit!
Q:  how fast is it mr ? 20-Mar-10
A:  quik as u like bro. quik as u like. See da 5-0 on da tellie
Q:  the bollocks of a ad i want 10 for the local druggies round here 20-Mar-10
A:  me only got da 1 bro, gutted
Q:  Quality right up lol ..joking aside does the car have any mot & tax? 20-Mar-10
A:  Yep.
Q:  Duz it av a massiv exhaust – like that me ome boyz could climb up – so big? If not can you nick me one from Alfordz innit and stick it on in the deal? Sweet wheelz fella – massive respec’ from d Midlands innit. 20-Mar-10
A:  d Midlands boyz ! you is safe. but it grim up norf init?
Q:  wikked how spacious is the boot? would, for example, the low life shitbag who has started to undercut me on my turf fit in the boot? is it soundproof? 20-Mar-10
A:  u is gettin boddy in boot bro but gonna need to dismember it ’cause me base box inda way..Me mate Alsta do it but he say it messy nd he wanna drink..
Q:  Chavtastic me likes it! 20-Mar-10
A:  GixaJax u is ‘avin it large. me raise a tin ov rizla 2 ya
Q:  brudda………doz it av ‘arry munk ‘ on de love rak ?..ite……..cuz me no wan no marma mans carz…mez pure hetro…….. 20-Mar-10
A:  no man. mez jaffa. bit ov spud wata dat me juile split doh
Q:  i like the wheels though! 20-Mar-10
A:  u bid u by! init.
Q:  will you take a kilo of smack as payment?? 20-Mar-10
A:  mudda me wheels wurt more dan dat, u been cuttin it yeah?
Q:  You my friend are a ledgend nice sale pitch 20-Mar-10
A:  nuffer big shout from da hood to me man LiL
A:  BIG shout to da volvo660_1 u is legend. but u wheels is shite bro…
Q:  Im married and got another littleun on the way. As such i aint getting a good seeing to from the missus. If i bought this car would i be able to pull a chav bint that can suck golf balls through straws for the price of a couple of aftershocks? 20-Mar-10
A:  Not as well as ur bitch. She good man. But lok afta me kid yo.
Q:  Where’s the bean can exhaust tailpipe or the standard fit ironing board on the roof? 20-Mar-10
A:  Me lose it on mini roundbout but u find it off A4 slough man.
Q:  ahahahah nice one! 20-Mar-10
A:  RESPEK to da batty boys…
Q:  would it be ok to pay with fake bank notes???? 20-Mar-10
A:  if day good bro, i ain’t no squeal. Be safe.
Q:  Oh my God thats hilarious! lol ever thought of taking up writing??? Brilliant 😀 20-Mar-10
A:  RESPEK to da caz yo!
Q:  Respek Man on tha add, can you skin up that mutha for uz with real pukka 24″Gold/Chrome Bling-Bling Rimz, ma homies an me are lookin for sumin serios Bling for krusin the kings rued for pullin all thems serios fit white tottys there. 20-Mar-10
A:  me hearin ya man! RESPEK
Q:  heh heh heh,quality ad mate %100 hat off to ya,aint laffed this much fer ages…………….respect 20-Mar-10
A:  big up!!
Q:  Quality, i aint laughed so hard for ages. innit bruv LOL 20-Mar-10
A:  u welcome
Q:  i am 64years old can you get me some of the stuff you are on,i use to take the odd purple heart in the sixties. 20-Mar-10
A:  64 init. u got pension bok u wanna sell? I give u a ounce 4 it cause me got plenty at mo. BigChimp rekon it wurf a 50 max. init
Q:  Dat is a well cool ride homie bro. Dus it av da twin Strombergs, Billsteins and da spaks all round innit. Boyakasha. Big up respek. 20-Mar-10
A:  Boyakasha! Boyakasha! Me hearin ya homeboy
Q:  Has it ever been raced or rallied or the front wheels spun on the handbrake to burn out the plastic speedbumps outside MacDonalds? 20-Mar-10
A:  me race, u kiddin me. It been ragged man. I keep up wid me cusz on is moped raund da one way systum EASY. init.
Q:  Is it alrite to pay wiv the americun expres card whot came with my nu purse whot I nicked from M & S 20-Mar-10
A:  na boffer wid dat. i aint sayin nuffin to da law
Q:  yow geeze that is a slaming advert you got me. seriously this had me laughing for ages 20-Mar-10
A:  cheers.
Q:  Look mate ill be straight wiv ya ive jus got out and all ive got is a black bag of mobiles i can’t get he cash cos me dole dont come for anuvver 2 weeks any chance of a swap for the mobiles ? me missis is up the duff so i need sommat to get er down to sign on cheer geez 20-Mar-10
A:  dat kiddie aint mine bro! tell ya missis i is took some protection. Me ad ma feet tied 2 da bed init
Q:  Look mate ill be straight wiv ya ive jus got out and all ive got is a black bag of mobiles i can’t get he cash cos me dole dont come for anuvver 2 weeks any chance of a swap for the mobiles ? me missis is up the duff so i need sommat to get er down to sign on cheer geez 20-Mar-10
A:  dat kiddie aint mine bro! tell ya missis i is took some protection. Me ad ma feet tied 2 da bed init
Q:  Yerrite Beano, Ise still otanard fo dat Clito, got me Spas, got adds off effry bidda, gonna sort it all larj no prizners. Went wattaskiing on brown lagune in colnbruk, wiv ponsed TV pleece lornch, Megga jolly Yeh, fellin lookin lik pacman smellin of `eau da toillete` kameowt lookin lik batman & smellin of `odour toilet` Hoos dat Wayne Kerr on da bleedin `gloo` kweschin, dat muvva at pre-skool orwat? rispec to da MAN, GETDOWN yoo sadbad Duchypissa..Regae 20-Mar-10
A:  u da baddist boy regaeman
Q:  I say chap, that is my daughters car It was stolen from outside Marks and Spencers a week past Thursday. Felicity and I would be very happy if you would return our property to us (undamaged and with a full tank of fuel). If you will not comply then I shall have to inform the authorities. Kind regards Sebastian Howard. 20-Mar-10
A:  woooaay dude!! Possesion is 9 tenths da law. it is my possesion now. Me own em wheels. felicity can work somin out wid me do. Is she fit? anywayz in wernt M & S me found it round da back NEXT but ‘ad 2 cut da clamp of. She left some crap CD’s init. Init
Q:  Are you on the glue mate? 20-Mar-10
A:  No man. me try smoke it but it stuck all over me Rizla.
Q:  This is the best thing I have read all week!!! Superb…. 😀 20-Mar-10
A:  Big shout to da 2cvbloke. you is got wickd usernmae init
Q:  BeanBlaster, Yoose now famis an larj, but street legind annat, Ise awe an umbel to smak da roil parm in up an down for Massif 15, rispec to da Marley off Maydined. Cort up wiv da muckafuvva dat blagged me noxxies an lef im wiv wiid open spases wer is jolliset yoosed 2 ang = `Nun is a majic numba` aka me Spas! me jooley cheked owt wiv 2 choobs jurex play an a rap of me best hayshun hemp las nite aynt belled bac, didshe big pantee partee wiv U bro?…Regae 20-Mar-10
A:  u been on it Regae man!! Respek!! I is goin up town now 4 me goatee trim bro. olla ya L8er ma man..
Q:  does it have glow underneath, or does i have to do it meself n’that 20-Mar-10
A:  da brakes are bit iffy n somtime front discs glo a bit but me use andbrake instead.
Q:  Do You Ship to Nigeria ? I’am paying by Western Union, I want to By this car for my pregnant 92 years old grandma… Regards Jan Peter Balkellende ( whahahaha…offcourse a not serious question….great eBay item, and SUPER Text respect ) greets Roger ( from the netherlands ) 20-Mar-10
A:  De Netherlands! Yo bro me been to hamsterdamn wid da boyz! is rockin init. Me smoke self silly wid all dem caffeys sellin da green. not like payin me hard foldin for dem girls doh. Neil spent is 50 squid on 1st day and had nuffin 2 eat!
Q:  utter classic… i wish i was 17 again !!!, does it have glowing lights underneath it ? cheers smudge 20-Mar-10
A:  u is wantin underlightin bro. me talk to niel down da ‘alfords, e sort em 4 ya but giv da man a drink 4 is effort
Q:  aight blood. Wud der be enuff room in de back for me 4 kidz and me 3 pitbull mastiff lion tiger cross? dey once ripped open a can ov campbells extra thick chicken soup wid der own teef . Rock ard blood. 20-Mar-10
A:  dee only dogs goin in ere is ma joolie init. And er sister cause she is well fit.
Q:  LOL, this must be on every car forum going, Fantastic read…nice one! 20-Mar-10
A:  cool. lets keep it goin!!
Q:  Does it come with a blacked out windscreen? 20-Mar-10
A:  wot windscreen bro!
Q:  You are a star man . . . Love the add and the q’s hope the feds dont see it thou rofpmsl 20-Mar-10
A:  me too bro. the proverbial gonna hit the fan if day do!!
Q:  This ad made my day!…classic…noticed the blacked out windows…seems a bit to small for a regular knocking shop!lol 20-Mar-10
A:  I is gonna large em up 4 u
Q:  Funny as hell, thanks for making us all laugh on a saturday morning at work, Holden Renault Sales Team. 20-Mar-10
A:  Do you want me to write some of your adverts??? Will work on a no sale no fee basis!!
Q:  Kwality ride bro! 20-Mar-10
Q:  I say old chap, could I borrow your car for a few weeks. I have something going on with a Scottish chap called Brown and I think your motorcar will help enormously with my “street cred”. I will return it after May 6th. I’m sure I can sort out a fiscal package for your inconvenience at that time. Many thanks. Dave. PS Could you throw in a couple of “Julies” for the boys in the office. 20-Mar-10
A:  My Dear Mr Cameron. Anything to assist getting that one eye’d Scotish monkey out of government gets my vote! By all means borrow it. Use it as your election logo. you’ll win all the hoodies over!!
Q:  U iz rite Matt with iz grama wordz an dat. i is pruft iz ad 2, an e as got pozesiv apoztrafy afta STDs inall in it. is u a techer at skools an dat coz u is well cleva? 20-Mar-10
A:  Teacher! Me doin da preachin round here honkey.
Q:  ere geez ah reckon that motah is wurf about a monkey me old cocka ..but if i can persude me skin to part wif her hard earned [shes got heart and kidney disease, heart lazy and kidney be bothered]ill bid yer a bag o sand fir it … if its got some rent on it and youll deliver it to me ..jog on son jog on seriously tho thats the most emtertained ive been on e bay since i left sarf est lonon lol nice on squirrel lol 20-Mar-10
A:  oi, cockney boy. It’s wurth more den them hammers!!
Q:  You, sir, are a legend. Rarely have I laughed so much, especially on a dull, wet and dreary Saturday morning. Hat off to you! 20-Mar-10
A:  Then my job is done!!
Q:  THAT IS CLASS!!!!!!!!MPSL 20-Mar-10
A:  thanx dude
Q:  Alrite bruv, init kickin, sweet init. was u takin credit cards for payments i is also got 14 nokias init wiv and eye fone boooo blud i tell ya safe i just got to get me man jules to get them unlocked init. any way haw many credit cards you want bro 20-Mar-10
A:  is take credit card bro, cloned or nicked yeah? Cupla switch cards wiv da PIn is cool bro. sort da nokkies we deal.
Q:  Whyyyyyyy did u do that to ur clio? I hope you found it like that coz if my dad chavved up a car like that id be sick with embarrrassment…. 20-Mar-10
A:  don’t think for one minute I did it!!
Q:  This is ……..pure gold! Thank you 20-Mar-10
A:  Nice one dude…
Q:  Funny ad, but it’s “you’re” not “your” you chav. Best regards, Matt 20-Mar-10
A:  Thank you Mathew. Most helpful.
Q:  any service history wid da motor geeza? Wots the mileage on it! Thats a phat ride, me Julie is most imprest wid it. Pease out homi. Good to see a like minded gangsta on ere, its all about da benjimans. 20-Mar-10
A:  got service mystery ma man. Paer work n bills n shit yeah. miles is showin 64k
Q:  esy bra if i buys this ride will i get all the julies after me init? 20-Mar-10
A:  de julies be trippin up ya manor wiv dis set o wheels bro. Use is gonna get some serios hunnies
Q:  ezy beanieman, Me got a couple ov Key’s ov Meow landing this week & will do u a chop wiv da motor. Hold the shit the down till da Babylon make it illegal & you will coin in da dollars down the skool wiv da little bro’s an loosen up all dem honeez at maccy d’s. One toot ov that badboy N U B up 2 yo calvins in pum pum. I can lay u on a few g’s tester 4 U & yo bitches. Westside!!!! 20-Mar-10
A:  use & me sing ov da same him sheet bro! I is likein use n gettin me sum good vibe wid ya. Da busyz all oda me drum ‘cuase me hommi got spun wid a pit a gear. He tell em it just a bit ov percy so no jail we gettin bail.
Q:  Bro, as dis car bin HIV checked and does it got a over ed dipstick? 20-Mar-10
A:  me not got no haitch iyy!!
Q:  Yo big dawg me is likin da phat lowride tis well gangsta me homeboys wanna roll out innit. BIG UP CHIEF 20-Mar-10
A:  u get me some paper & u gettin a ride in dem badboyz wheels
Q:  I have to commend you Beanmasteruk. Thats one top class advert. Laughed my nads off to that and the questions,Hope it stays active so my ho`s can read too! :-] 20-Mar-10
A:  u is biddin or messin bro?
Q:  aye bludfire, im thinkin only fing missin is lexus lights!!!! dope ride tho mans tinkin of biddin one time! primedog 20-Mar-10
A:  me step dad nickd his lexus lights back man. gutted.
Q:  Mate, this actually had me pissing myself! How you came up with all of that I don’t know but its a quality add if there ever was one! 20-Mar-10
A:  Word up bro.
Q:  Hello, I am very rich and come from a well to do fammily. My colleagues Giles ,Rupert and i wish to portray a ‘street image’..and wondered whether you would allow us to visit your area and learn the ways of the underprivileged working class. I was wondering, should we also consider wearing the baggy trousers exposing our underpants as a further statement of ‘street’…..I was most excited to read your statement that this vehicle has molecular properties which assist in pulling and attracting females. I have never had sex with a dirty working class girl….if i purchase your car pls would you make an introduction to some smelly girls from slough ..i understand they are all ill educated..and simply only know how to breed ..that excites us..Toodle pip..Regards Sebastian 20-Mar-10
A:  seb bro, is u 4 real init!! u wantin ma bitches not ma ride init. I is get u a ho man and u hommies come down n chill in ma crib wid ya crew
Q:  Beaniebro, Ise now Massif,Ise trooly Real agen, wun ma cagefite las nite,joey da budgie dont no wot hit im Yeh ! aslo I is groing megga rispec on Uchoob wiv `Puffd-up Prat totals trikd-up Matz` like faym or wot innit? Wun bad bruvver nicked me Noxxies las nite, but Ise scored 130 tax disks for DVLA reefund anna Spas 10shot taktickle Orto, any yoose on da Clito deal, Ma Mayn Blood ?…Regae 20-Mar-10
A:  Regae u da man bro. we is awe bout ya’ll. gutted 4 ya noxxies man. you be smokin some good shit bro, u need yer hed on a pilla n some chill pillz.
Q:  Mate! Duz it av 1 of dem Tee Vee systemz in da dash? Any ram raid danage? 20-Mar-10
A:  no ram raidin man, we use it for blaggin da coke machine at da sportcenta doh.
Q:  Hahahaha, what a write up, Legend. Peace out bro “init.” 20-Mar-10
A:  sweet, man, sweet.
Q:  alright bluud. Good pr man 7200 viewz, thats mega. Usually only get 700. should get loads a reddies. 20-Mar-10
A:  is is gonna be holdin da foldin bro, you no it. RESPEK
Q:  yes bruvvah! where boutz in da borough iz u lok8ed? I wud luv 2 chek dis bad boi out for real! do the stripez add an xtra 20bhp ye? Safe. 20-Mar-10
A:  dem stripes me favorit. me got some on ma nokia communikcatorz as well
Q:  Easi blud, isit cumming wid da big ezawst n shit init ? 20-Mar-10
A:  wazzzuuppp!
Q:  frightfully spiffing write up…will it be able to transport me to the Jeremy Kyle show for my DNA results , and are you prepared to participate in a lie detector test about the reliability of the car ? 20-Mar-10
A:  i is not gonna tell no trueffs man. no way.
Q:  This is probably the best description I’ve seen in my life. You are a legend! 20-Mar-10
A:  4nshu you gotta big shout. av u still got me tenner cause me is gonna get funny ’bout it bro, you no wat i is meanin..
Q:  love the add mate. well done 20-Mar-10
A:  jimmytipping big high five 2 you an youz posse. safe man.
Q:  legend 20-Mar-10
A:  REPSEK. Booyakasha!!!
Q:  I say old chap, one is looking for a nice auto for ones Mother in Law. Do you think this might suit the old gal? would there be a danger of her getting beaten senseless if she were to, by pure accident, pull into McDonalds car park, dont you know? If so, this could be the car for me… 20-Mar-10
A:  she not get beaten. she get boned. bring da girl over. me is likein a MILF
Q:  Bruv, I is intreste in da car. safe as fuk. any blim burns in da seats? if so can ya get me sum new ones from Neil? Fink i know neil, shifty lookin yoof? 20-Mar-10
A:  1 or t0 blims butt me not smokin solid now yust da weed. Maybe a few seeds in da carpet doh. I c neil lastnite and we got proper mashed wiv bongs n everytin
Q:  Yo Badman. Dem wheels is cris Av U got an addy so me n me bro’s can hit your crib & check out da motor. Jus a few q’s though. Is Da motor belled up? Has U got any ov dem CCTV tings at you gaff or any other sort ov security bizinezz & what time ov nite do U & yo bitches go asleep? BIG UP FROM DA BADBOUY HOOLIGUN TWOCKING MASSIVE 20-Mar-10
A:  Me hearin ya’ll. I is got bells & dogs blodd. Me not sllep wiv da bitches i is bonein’ dem al night. Yo and youz crew not blaggin ma wheels from me manna. Dissin ma ride man.
Q:  Geeza, ave u got a Bi it naaa I’s desperate. Me bitch Joolie says by dis 4 me Winston & yoos can av me up me clacker. R dem seets crusty Elp me art Geez Winston 19-Mar-10
A:  I takz a cuple ofz 9 bar, not soap, cuple ov henryies n sum skunk.
Q:  Badbeanyman, Ma joolie sed she moist & ungry for ya sack offa dude, eefen gonna barf & shave er booty, Wot ya got goin wiv thees biches dude?,Iff I mak it 15 passpots wud ya cloo me ya nikka nolidge? Ise stil warkin,stil wet,Regae 19-Mar-10
A:  not be wash hin da beetch. me want it as is. i catch ya on me cellula communikatea later bro, we bang out da deal. Big up. Get me some knockia 8800 wid da pastports dude
Q:  Yo ride is well dope geez, an I reckon da front seat will fit my biatch like a glove….I already got a fiver cummin’ outta da benefit for me tribe o’ kids dat I av some’ow managed to build but I’m sure I can find another fiver a week from me dealin’ on da side….howzat catch ya bruv……..shout out for the ‘astings massive, sick innit!! 19-Mar-10
A:  ‘astins massiv big showtz from do hood in da ‘f’boro. keep savin dem giro’s man, & work dat beetch in da seet. it um up ‘ard bro. bye da wey, met ur cuz on remand down feltham. good geezer. he get bail soon me hopez. RESPEK
Q:  cuzzy, i was wonderin innit, wud u consider a swap for a bag one of my bredbins home grown plus a sick pair of kappa tracky b’z with all the popper buttons in tact? holla back one time. safe 19-Mar-10
A:  juz maybe man. c ow tings go but goodupya 4 pukka deal. Real. init.
Q:  Beaniedude, I is well made up but megga! Ya clito-shed is MUST, Me stretched & jacked Cat`A` Matiz just fallen off da phukn M4 after 7 wite litnins & a shooful of Meffs, Ise renda`d homless & credless wiv ma jooley pushin a weelie-bin in Izlwurf, tayk 11 bent passports for the reno-rokit ? Regae 19-Mar-10
A:  YO YO man i is genyouin gutted 4 ya, so is ma hommies. You is had well bad luc init. I is always needin pastpot man. we get a deal 2geffer. i is wantin no pics on dem docs right. me make up ma own for da crew. bustin outta here, check up & head up, me respectin yaz. uze julie come stay at mi crib if she easy wid dat.
Q:  wagwan breadbin, this ride is sick . . ! fings I need to no B4 I go robbin to get the paper to buy dis. . how mani miles dose it av on the handbrake-turnometer ? coz mi mate daz has a clio an he did a massive handbrake turn dat lasted bout a week and proper fucked his tyres up an nearli melted his rims ! an do you eva get any beef from tha 5-0 or guys wantin to jack ya an nick it ? 19-Mar-10
A:  I got 60,000 mileages sayin on da clock, hard crusin round slough mostly. Been 2 amsterdam couple a 3 times and is well safe. Handbrkaes pukka, init. Woz on sky cops last munth doin 128 on da A4. Da 5-0 never cught me ‘cuase I went frew da kiddies park. ma mate got compuota fing dat make it less miles if u want, but yo gotta sort him proper 4 dat. No one tried jacin ma weels but i is always carriyin, just in case, bro
Q:  Felicity, the good lady wife, is hankering after “a bit of rough”, and this fine vehicle looks just the job for attracting such a scalliwag. Is there a way of fitting a screen such that the rear of the car so that it not visible to Jeeves, our chauffeur, whilst she goes about her business? 19-Mar-10
A:  I is ‘erein wot u sayin bout ya Felicity. Is she fit? cos me an da crew fancie a doggin session wiv ya bitch. Bring er round da back ov da chippy 2nite bro and we chek er out
Q:  Yo Ma Blood, Like Skwizit weels bro ! Bin finkin to moonlight wedins,foonrals an privat amblance shit wiv dat muvva,Ise aksin cud `neel da steal` score me a rack for da roof?, Dat way Ise puttin stiffies an stretchas on top an keepin bacseet for me an me minga to puff, hump & bang da laybys, rispec dude…Regae da Ringa 19-Mar-10
A:  Booyakasha! Eyes gettin ya big muvva rack man. do wot ya gotta do. Keep it real.
Q:  Skobble noodle vark, me old Franger – does the trev coolio the thrunge sproket or do I need to ole ole the biscuit barrel? 19-Mar-10
A:  wot u smokin man? Me is wantin some as well. U is well mashed init.
Q:  i is wantin px 93 nova 1.4 sr lambo doors, is rude ride, serious, with 7 pit/staff x pups? is it? 19-Mar-10
A:  frankster man is in da howse. word up bro. wot u sayin man! I taugh u is lovin use wicked corsa man. SERIOUS wheels dare bro. You is gettin all da bitches wid dat ride. init. is it 16 valve bro? me is wantin big up me ‘orse power. init
Q:  is da enuf room in da back for me hommies and some stash of da ash…innit k m8..respect 19-Mar-10
A:  use get more hommies in da bak dan u can trow a stick at. Big up homegirl. You is well fit. init.
Q:  fuck brilliant 19-Mar-10
A:  i is lovin it init. big shout & re spek goin outt to da brooxy10985 from da hood, bro. word up. init
Q:  yo man dis car is proper SICK, wil U ship 2 mi couz jamal in africa ? he got nuff paper he can def afford the sickest rides. holla back bruv 19-Mar-10
A:  couz Jamal wanna do a deal wiv some plants. Me needin more afrikhan ganja. Ride is well sick man, ya kno wat i is sayin
Q:  Can you put a link to Bable Fish Translator please. 19-Mar-10
A:  no, da babylon might suss man
Q:  yer pulled me mate innit, id kep it if u wan some 19-Mar-10
A:  nuff re spekt init. I is hearin ya
Q:  Wicked init. I just hope the ebay police don’t take the ad off before I send a link to all my mates. 19-Mar-10
A:  Me too. I is needin some sov’s so da motor gotta go.
Q:  well put mate – brilliant! 19-Mar-10
A:  You is gonna bid on me wheels init
Q:  can i pay £5 per week out of ma benefit, willing to throw in my bitch, dog and ne thin else u fancy till paid up 19-Mar-10
A:  I takin youse benyfit book for fiver week but want some pension books and dvd player aswell init. see wot you can blag to do a deal. Friday good for shopliftin so go work dem PC Woorld and Currys. Take off da sekuirty tag doh.
Q:  I az got a pitbull that don’t like fiting or nuffink. Would you konsi.. consed.. fink about a part x. its got burberry coats init and spikey collar and i’ve superglued its ears up to look ard. 19-Mar-10
A:  dat wicked 4 yr dogg mate, init. As it got tat oo. I is well likein burberry init. Got some wicked D&G shades for da pup as well. Is it bitch cuse me wants an earn wiv its kitten fings if it a good breeder.
Q:  Fookin brilliant write up mate,,,,, but you owe me a new keyboard as this one is now soaked in coffee and snot…… lmfao 19-Mar-10
A:  Ta.
Q:  how much for the squiggled out numberplates….just what i need. 18-Mar-10
A:  Day is special from my mate Neil at Halfords. He say tenner bag of crack and you is got yerself a pair bro. Wicked.
A:  You can be smack head or needle bro, I aint bovered, init. I take a bitch and some bent 20’s if it helps. give ya £7 on a £20. No wot I mean bruv. Init.
Q:  is there a towbar fitted,so i can hook up a trolley full of nicked stuff from Asda.??? 18-Mar-10
A:  man u is wantin towbar init. I’ll sort one out tonight wen halfords is shut. My mate Neil works there and he’ll frow one outda back door. init. Is u wantin twin electrics?
Q:  Geeez, been finking abowt how to pay if i win it on my stepdads account. My lil sis has a piggy bank wiv a load of metal money, can I bring dat? Or me mate can do a couple ov fone boxes and pay wiv dem. Let us no mate. wayne. 18-Mar-10
A:  Wayne. Geeza. Mush. Init. Large it up for me clio. I think I know ya sis, she owes me a score for dem pills last week. She aint gettin any more on tick now. Get yer step dads account details & my mate will screw his account proper wiv some wicked lexus rear lights for is Corsa. Init.
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