Jesus Sinks Ford Fiesta.
Here are the photos and story of the failed attempt by Jesus to drive his Mk7 Ford Fiesta across a local lake.
Jesus had owned the car from new, bought from ‘Apostle Motors’ near Church Pew (eye roll) and it had been very well looked after. It attended regular services and had very low mileage as the owner was often overseas performing charitable activities for his Father.
Apparently he was goaded into attempting the stunt by his best friends Peter, James and John. The plan was to approach the lake from the west bank where there is a shallow boat ramp and then cross over to the other side where it is a bit darker but a great place dry out.
The gang were confident that the stunt would be a success as Jesus had performed similar stunts before wearing nothing but a robe and a pair of old O’neil sandals. They agreed that the only modification they should consider was a set of tyres that gave the best water displacement. So after a bit of research Jesus purchased and had fitted a set of Nankang Shockers. These tyres disperse water faster than a set of F1 full wets, however that is about all they do as they appear to have some allergic reaction to most road surfaces and try to jump off them at every chance.
According to Jesus, the stunt ended in misfortune when at half way distance his O’neil sandal slipped off the accelerator pedal. The drop in forward momentum resulted in the car sinking like a brick and then the engine cut out. Had Jesus been driving his previous car, a Smart Car that has so many plastic panels that it would have floated like an old Coke bottle and just washed up in the bank with the rest of the rubbish.
Jesus stated that he was not happy with Peter or James who stood on the bank taking photos;
“I’m getting sick of all the jokes now like – is that the original colour or has it been dipped, slight water damage, if you sell it is the duck included – cunts”.
Jesus stated that he will be buying the car back from the insurers and will then put it on eBay. He says that he is going to write the funniest car listing ever and it will go “Uber Viral” (his words). He also warned that if eBay try to ban his listing like they have done with other amusing auctions, he will arrange for his Father to buy their company and then ban anyone selling cheap Chinese shit on there, thus destroying their profits.
his final words on the failed stunt were;
“Just wait until those fuckers on Facebook get these pictures. I bet some clever twat will write some story and rip the piss, wait a minute ……….”