Here is your ultimate guide to fuel saving. Stick to these badboy tips and your trousers will soon be bulging with all that dosh you have saved.
#1 – If you are in the habit of racing people off the traffic lights, make sure that you only race guys bigger than yourself. Wind you window down and shout at them that you are going to blow them off like their Mrs did to you last night. Then when they get out of their motor and clatter you in the face, you won’t be able to race anywhere for the blood in your eyes.
#2 – Use the buddy system. If you can’t stop yourself from racing everyone else on the road then take a trusted friend with you with instructions to punch you in the face if you start to have a tussle (we mean race not wank. We are not saying that wanking whilst driving is acceptable, no matter how enjoyable).
#3 – Have a wank whilst driving. Unless you are a well practised wanker, you will most probably crash when you cum and this will reduce your fuel consumption substantially.
#4 – Weight reduction improves fuel consumption, so get as many parts of your car wrapped in carbon-fibre look vinyl as possible because carbon fibre weighs less – boom!!
#5 – Going down hills is great for fuel saving, but going up hills is bad. Avoid going up hills at all costs, where possible always go around a hill. If going up the hill cannot be avoided, then go up in reverse.
#6 – The wider your tyres, the greater the rolling resistance and hence increased fuel consumption. Driving around on the equivalent of pram tyres will reduce this problem. In addition, when you roll your motor whilst cornering at any speed your fuel consumption will come to a dramatic halt – win, win.
#7 – Don’t drive whilst drunk, this is a killer for your fuel efficiency. Just like not being able to walk in a straight line, swerving all over the road could increase your journey (and fuel usage) by a whopping 22%.